No matter the role or your experience, interviews present challenging situations where we can find ourselves flustered or challenged. Sadly, some don’t have the communication tools to manage these scenarios effectively, becoming a child or parent when they need to remain in adult mode. We help our candidates prepare for these scenarios.
PAC Model (Parent, Adult, Child)
American Psychiatrist Eric Berne created the PAC (Parent, Adult, Child) model, which he said describes our three ego states. These ego states relate to how we react in various situations.
The Parent Ego
This ego state is filled with ‘how to’s, you should, do this, and don’t do that.’ As children, our parents and those in authoritative positions used these words to help us follow instructions quickly, usually in a protective manner, but sometimes critically, like ‘don’t touch the plug socket’ or ‘why on earth did you do that?’.
Can you think of a time when you’ve used the Parent Ego in an interview? What was the reaction? What was your reaction when somebody used the Parent Ego with you?
You may have responded to a competency question about managing a team with something like ‘I made it clear to them not to do it again’. This quite clearly indicates a manager with a Parent-style Ego.
What’s wrong with this? It indicates poor management and communication skills, as the direct response to the Parent Ego state is the Child Ego.
The Child Ego
As we get older (usually as teenagers, but as toddlers too), we rebel against instructions. This can be shown by whining, silence, anger, shouting, sulking, or saying things like ‘I don’t care’, ‘whatever’, or ‘I didn’t’. When we slip into a Child Ego state, we often trigger the Parent Ego in others.
You may inadvertently answer an interview question exhibiting the Child Ego. For example, if asked ‘What happened when you were asked to do the activity that you didn’t like?’ and you respond with ‘I didn’t find it fair that xxxx’.
The way to communicate effectively and avoid confrontation is said to lie within the Adult Ego at all times.
The Adult Ego
The Adult Ego is rational and deals in facts, figures, data, and information. They avoid emotional language and remain assertive without being patronising, rude, or abusive. The Adult Ego judges based on the here and now.
We recommend that you think about the three Ego states when preparing for an interview and being aware that you remain in adult mode at all times.
